"Stimming" is the term used for behaviors people with autism and others, inclu,ding neurotypical people, use for self-regulating, calming and focusing. It has almost endless variations, from the flapping and rocking associated with autism to subtle things like chewing gum or clicking pens.
We do it to relieve stress, to replace destructive behaviors, to enable us to pay attention and because it just feels good.
It's also something that, in the past, parents and teachers have tried to suppress in their children because it can look very odd in public. Since being in public is often stressful, this can be a no-win situation.
I've always stimmed. I flapped my foot, I drew in the margins of my notebooks, when I didn't draw on entire pages - five-loop daisies, geometric shapes, squiggles contained in checkboards I colored positive and negative, very detailed figures. This was very confusing to my parents and teachers because I did that instead of taking notes. But I did take notes - often a word would capture my attention and I'd write it over and over again in the very best handwriting I could muster. Normally, my handwriting was, and is, very bad, but this would look GOOD. I also knit.
This is all stimming. Some people like sounds, some like scents, some like to chew. Some need to move parts of their bodies. Some repeat words outloud. Some like bright colors or flashing lights, or just watching movement.
My stims tend to be tactile and/or kinetic. In the past few years, I've rubbed the palms of my hands, either on each other or against other things. The more upset or agitated I become, the harder I rub and the more surfaces I use. This makes my husband very unhappy to see, although less so now that he knows I'm not necessarily very upset, and that I may even be calming myself. At least, he no longer tries to keep my hands still. It was like my palms needed something.
Last week, though, I read a blog post about packing a stim bag before leaving the house. This person takes objects and tools with her in case she needs them. She had a soft plush toy, ear phones, a notebook and markers and the thing that caught my attention - a silicon squeeze toy covered with nubs. And that attracted me right away. I could imagine how those nubs would feel on my palms. Really, really good.
But not quite right. So I did some research and found blogs about stimming and websites with office toys called "fidgets" (because everybody stims) and others specializing in toys for neurodiverse people - often the same but more expensive.
And what I really, really wanted was a koosh ball. Those are the balls made of tendrils of rubber. Just thinking about it made my hands want to hold one. So I ordered one plus I went to a local discount store and got a way off-brand one. And it was just like I imagined, only better. It felt wonderful on my palms, it felt good to toss and catch, and I could even pet it gently so the tendrils resisted. The actual one felt even better - more and smaller tendrils makes it denser and more satisfying. They're also very pretty, but that's just something nice for me. For someone who uses visual stimming, it would be a major plus, I imagine.
And just tossing it from one hand to the other is very, very calming.
The other toys I've found are variations on the Tangle, Jr. This is a toy made of what looks like pieces of macaroni snapped together to form a twisty, shapable circle. I have three right now - a basic smooth one, a "hairy one" with all the segments covered in a soft, bristly material and a "therapy" one where the segments are covered with a slightly squishy, nubbly plastic. They're all about the same size, although the hairy one's covering makes it look and feel much larger and they all seem to serve different functions for me. Textures are very, very important.
They also fit in my skirt pockets very nicely, so I can take them out into the world with me. Last night, I started a new position as the secretary to the board of directors of a non-profit called Yad HaChazakah - I have just joined the board as well. I had a koosh ball and the smooth tangle with me, and there were times during the long meeting when I didn't need to take notes, so I played with them, and I was able to find more patience, and, oddly, the strength to ask more questions. I'd outed myself as autistic, as it were (not a secret, since I had to apply for the board with a cover letter and I talked about it there) and I didn't have to pretend to know things.
Today, I took two toys with me to my therapist's. I sat there with the koosh ball and the therapy tangle on my lap and I played with them, using one or the other as I felt I needed it, including stimming with the koosh (meaning rubbing the ball between my palms instead of rubbing my palms together.) I don't know what they actually did, but I felt very good and relaxed afterwards.
I'm thinking of adding either silly putty or a kneadable eraser to the mix. I remember deliberately getting a kneadable eraser when starting a Jewish law class 15 years ago, knowing it would help but not really knowing why. It disturbed the instructor, though, so I doodled instead.
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